Two and a Half Men

2003 star 7.4 tv12 Seasons play_circle262 Episodes

Two adults. One kid. No grown-ups.

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Comedy

tv Seasons & Episodes

Episode 1
E1

Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

Sep 22, 2003

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Episode 2
E2

Big Flappy Bastards

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

Sep 29, 2003

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Episode 3
E3

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

Oct 6, 2003

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Episode 4
E4

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

Oct 13, 2003

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Episode 5
E5

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

Oct 20, 2003

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Episode 6
E6

Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

Oct 27, 2003

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Episode 7
E7

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

Nov 3, 2003

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Episode 8
E8

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

Nov 10, 2003

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Episode 9
E9

Phase One, Complete

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

Nov 17, 2003

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Episode 10
E10

Merry Thanksgiving

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

Nov 24, 2003

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Episode 11
E11

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

Dec 15, 2003

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Episode 12
E12

Camel Filters and Pheromones

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

Jan 5, 2004

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Episode 13
E13

Sarah Like Puny Alan

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

Jan 12, 2004

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Episode 14
E14

I Can't Afford Hyenas

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

Feb 2, 2004

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Episode 15
E15

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

Feb 9, 2004

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Episode 16
E16

That Was Saliva, Alan

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

Feb 16, 2004

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Episode 17
E17

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

Feb 23, 2004

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Episode 18
E18

An Old Flame with a New Wick

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

Mar 1, 2004

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Episode 19
E19

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

Mar 22, 2004

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Episode 20
E20

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

Apr 19, 2004

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Episode 21
E21

No Sniffing, No Wowing

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

May 3, 2004

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Episode 22
E22

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

May 10, 2004

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Episode 23
E23

Just Like Buffalo

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

May 17, 2004

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Episode 24
E24

Can You Feel My Finger?

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

May 24, 2004

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people Cast

Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher

Walden Schmidt

Jon Cryer

Jon Cryer

Alan Harper

Conchata Ferrell

Conchata Ferrell

Berta

apartment Production Companies

Warner Bros. Television Warner Bros. Television
Chuck Lorre Productions Chuck Lorre Productions
apartment The Tannenbaum Company

public Countries

United States of America